Sounds Good

Book shares ‘man secrets’ so women can try to understand
I announced to readers that I’m reading lots of self-improvement books during Lent. There are so many out, I’ll still be sharing after Easter, but here’s word on two more:

Man stuff
Christopher Blazina gives readers the Ten Commandments of Growing Up Male and details of the secret shoe box to get him to unlock his “holy of holies.” The book, subtitled “What Men Want You to Know About Love, Sex and Relationships,” is designed for women to get a better understanding of spouses, brothers, etc. Its a big, thick book, but here’s a quick snippet from a chart on how to give better feedback.
The Mean Way:
• Name calling
• Purposefully trying to wound
• Using a barrage of words that are designed to hurt him intentionally
• Holding grudges
• Withholding love or affection in a punishing way to show him who is boss

A Better Way
• Identify specific behaviors that offend or hurt.
• Give feedback in the spirit of trying to make the situation better for you and the one you love.
• Use honest, strong words when needed, but realize a little goes a long way.
• If the relationship is going to work, some hurts have to be placed in the relationship stream to be carried away.
• Making up cannot only be fun, it can allow a tender connecting feeling back into the relationship.

Speak up
Pause before answering, make eye contact, pull up a chair and avoid interrupting. You may have heard all this before, but it sure doesn’t heart to hear it again from experts Stacey Hanke and Mary Steinberg. “Yes You Can! Everything You Need From A to Z to Influence Others to Take Action” is a handy guide that may convince you to actually volunteer for your next speaking engagement.
It’s basic stuff, that most of us have forgotten, if we ever learned it. It’s time to learn again.

Coming soon:
Earth Day finds help readers go green.
ddoiron@panews.com